Everyone Wants to be Chief

Every day I walk into a room, and somewhere in that room someone is complaining about a brother or a sister who has become “chief.” It always sounds the same: the chief is too distant, too controlling, too proud. The truth, of course, is simpler and less flattering. Everyone wants to be chief, but no one wants to do the work.

The fascination with leadership is ancient. Titles seduce the ego. The seat at the head of the table gives the illusion of importance. Yet the work of leading, listening, carrying, absorbing, deciding, protecting, is rarely desired. It demands patience, humility, and an ability to stand alone when the noise of others becomes unbearable. Most prefer the comfort of blame to the discomfort of responsibility.

In families, as in institutions, power becomes a mirror of immaturity. The chair is sought not to serve, but to be seen. Those who reach it often forget that it was never meant as a throne. It is a seat of service, a place where one must hold steady when others lose balance, where one’s task is to transform complaint into cooperation, emotion into motion.

Everyone wants to be chief because everyone wants to be heard. But few realise that to be truly heard, one must first learn to listen. The one who governs through listening will always govern better than the one who commands through noise. Leadership begins in silence, in the discipline of observing what others overlook.

When families mistake leadership for privilege, they fracture. Each one fights for a crown that weighs more than they can bear. The circle of trust becomes a battlefield of vanity. Those who want to lead end up dividing, and those who refuse to follow end up resenting.

True leadership is not about being right. It is about being responsible when things go wrong. It is about protecting the weak, tempering the strong, and giving credit before claiming it. The real chief does not sit higher; he stands deeper. He builds not empires, but continuity.

The day we stop fighting for the title and start working for the task, we will rediscover what leadership was meant to be, a form of service, not a badge of honour. Until then, every room will echo the same refrain: everyone wants to be chief, but no one wants to do the work.

W.